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Journal
of L. Cleavenger
Waynesburg, Greene County, Penn.
April
1857
Becoming tired of Waynesburg and it being necessary that I should
closely apply myself to my studies in order to stand an auditable
examination before the committee appointed by the court (vis, John C.
Flenniken, A.J. Buchanan and Col. John
H. Wells) preparatory to my admission to practice as an attorney, at
sometime I concluded to retire into the country. To the residence of my
brother, Amos,
where I could quietly pursue my studies without any interruption
whatever. Having been here for three or four days previous, I commence
this journal.
Page 1 ~
Thursday April 9th
Dark gloomy
day, very cloudy in the morning, with every appearance of rain sometime
during the day. Carpenters engaged in roofing the house. Had a
sufficient amount of exercise today by assisting. Had the extreme
pleasure of having a visit during the day from Miss Mary Vancleave
and Miss Frances Hill. They found me somewhat in dishabille -
being illy prepared for receiving the company of ladies, having
donned some old clothes for the occasion and even they were in
appearance rendered somewhat worse by being badly soiled from the kind
of work in which I was engaged. My face, I have no doubt, would have in
its ebony brilliancy rivaled that of the most cleanless chimney
sweep.
Page 2 ~ Friday, April 10th
As there is
little of importance or real interest occurring in the country I am in
order to make my journal appear formidable and respectable as far as
required size, at least, compelled to mention matters of minor and
almost of trifling importance.
Arose
tired and unrefreshed from bed – caused by horrible and ill boding
dreams. The “God of Weather” caused the snow to fall during a portion
of the forenoon, but repenting of his harshness and repenting much that
by his wintry storms overcome the energies of the people, as they
appeared bound in a deathlike lethargy. When by his brilliant and
enlivening sunshine, He should have gladdened every heart and impelled
them to renewed activity. His ruddy face was suffused with tears, which
manifested itself but a continued fall of rain during the remainder of
the forenoon.
Heard
today much complaint from many persons of the very disagreeable weather
we have had for this time of year, but all appeared to entertain strong
and bright anticipation of a happy change after Easter Sunday. Though I
am not so superstitious yet, I wish they may not be so deceived, and
the sign hold out.
Afternoon
the rain ceased, but still remains cloudy, with indications of
commencing again.
Had the honor
of receiving a visit from W.T.H. Paulley
[sic Pauley]. He informed us that
the two persons who had been reported as affected by the Small Pox is
recovering and there were no new cases, or any possibility of the
loathsome disease’s spreading, as all proper precautions against such a
result were taken.
Reperused some
exceedingly interesting letters received sometime since from a very
interesting and intelligent young lady (M.L.N.) This has with
me become almost an item of my daily employment, as the association
connected them with are so agreeable and pleasing. Am at considerable
loss to truly define my real feelings towards said individual, but must
admit that in a bachelor of twenty-three, the symptoms are rather
alarming. I fear that the retirement I have sought, particularly on
account of the same, has but little efficacy in retarding the grossness
of the fell disease. As a denier’s resort I shall fly to physic and
anti-love powders and should these fail of having the desired effects,
will, like a man, firmly resolve and make a bold effort to turn the
object of so much menacing uneasiness to me, in the angere eyed
surveillance of puritanical guardian and apparent indifference of the
lady herself. Should a want of success attend those efforts I can but
fold my arms and submit to my fate. But, still as an
innocent convict upon the scaffold about to suffer execution, who
conscious of his innocence, intimidated by the near approach of death,
seems to beg for mercy, so will I try and suffer in silence like a man,
without a murmur by which men discovering would scoff at my weakness.
Blackstone has
been sadly neglected today, owing to a multiplicity of causes, among
the least of which the above is not found.
Page 5 ~
Saturday, April 11th
Morning
cloudy, sun essayed to peep out once from between their folds, but
struck by the cold and desolate appearance of the earth, he quickly and
quietly retired to his former position, where his disappearance was
soon followed by a shower of rain of a couple of hours continuance,
after which it became somewhat warmer, but the countenance of Heaven is
still marred and rendered gloomy by dark, heavy and portentous looking
clouds.
In
the evening prepared for tomorrow (Sabbath), by shaving, but labored
under considerable difficulty from the razor being unusually dull, but
the handle being strong, I succeeded in accomplishing the task.
Page 6 ~
Easter Sunday April 12th
Rose early,
which by the way, has become almost a settled habit, washed,
breakfasted and dressed, though it will not reflect much credit upon my
reputation as a religious or moral character, but still the truth must
out.
I
consumed the whole forenoon perusing old newspapers, among them matters
containing some highly imaginary love tales, which I fear added but
additional fuel to some scant passion, of what nature I know not. Whose
flames are consuming my determination to not be conquered. But my
next indiscretion, which happened in the afternoon, at the house of
Bill Anderson, will cause the rigidly righteous to open
their eyes to their utmost extent, exhibiting an undue amount of
whites, whilst there were, on such a day, religious arms mechanically
assume perpendicular position, truly expressive of pure holy horror. I
was actually guilty of indulging in the heinous crime (or this wise,
innocent and pleasing amusement) of playing several or few games of
Euchre, where it is necessary that your hands should become
contaminated by coming in contact with vile and sinful cards
Wrote a couple of letters today. One to Miss
Lydia Pennock of Kansas, the other to Smith McElroy, a friend
residing in Middletown, Pa.
The latter containing a coppy of a stirring patriotic song, which
he has been long anxious to obtain in full, having but a small portion
of it.
In defiance of
my exertion of will to the contrary, my thoughts will occasionally
wander to the “Girl that’s far away”, to the great prejudice in point
of interest, to the letters I have been writing.
Spit snow all the forenoon. About five o’clock P.M. cleared up. The sun
shone out with apparently unusual brilliancy, turning the hills and
tree tops with a beautiful golden hue. It might still continue clear.
Prospect of a severe and heavy frost.
Page
8 ~ Monday April 13th
My
anticipation of a severe frost last evening were fully realized.
It was verified by the intense cold last night and my personal
observations this morning. All nature appeared to have donned a
sparkling mantle of gray, induced by the biting freezing breath of old
bones. Applied myself assiduously all afternoon to the studies of
Blackstone.
Afternoon
assisted in rolling logs into the creek and floating them down to the
mill. This, though laborious, we looked upon in the light of
sport. Returned at night, much waned, but soon sought relief in
the extended arms of morpheus.
Weather
beautiful, the sun shone out brightly during the whole day. At dark
black fleecy clouds appear in the western horizon. A bad omen for
tomorrow. Pretentious of a renewal of the past weather, which many had
supposed had entirely ceased, myself among the numbers.
Page
9 ~ Tuesday April 14th
Arose early.
During the night the interesting female who lately has engaged so much
of my attention and thoughts, visited me in the visionary land of
dreams. Her countenance protects like assumed a thousand different
appearances. At times its own natural one, as beautiful as an angel’s,
but upon my approach would assume the forbidden aspect of a demon. The
latter I hope not indicative of any reception I may receive from her,
upon her return to school.
Being
an arbitrator on a case, I am making my arrangements to visit town
tomorrow.
Weather, morning
cloudy and spitting snow, at noon snowing very hard. Has every
appearance of Winter. Loud and repeated complaints of the farmers
concerning the unusual severity of the weather. But
their repinings are useless. We should model after the patience
and submission of the Irish. When it rains, they just let it rain.
Page 10 ~ Wednesday April 15th
Went to town
today, found upon my arrival that the case upon which I was an
arbitrator had been continued until the first day of June.
Called
upon Miss Jenny Morgan – Oh Rapture!
She had received a letter from my absent idol. She was well, but I was
both grieved and pleased to hear that she was not enjoying her tour.
First, that anyone whom I respected so highly should have any cause of
sorrow. Secondly, it is a source of gratification when the supposition
will occasionally force itself upon my attention. That her discontent
is brought about by thoughts of “The lad she left behind her.” Such
indications should surely be sufficient to lead me to look upon my case
as not altogether hopeless.
Visited
the Daguerreian home of Jas Band and had a couple likeness taken,
one for Amos’s
wife, the other for Miss Jenny Morgan. I
must admit that upon looking at the miniature, my expectations of
personal appearance were far from being realized. I am compelled to
come to the conclusion that I am rather an ordinary looking individual.
Let us boast ever so much of our freedom, yet we are all more or less
the slaves of vanity.
Weather, still cold and
spitting a little snow. Quite a snow storm at noon. Returned to the
country in the evening with, as apparently, a bitter cold wind blowing
in my face as any I experienced during the past winter. Was much
pleased to receive a letter from Nick Hager, Illinois,
long since due.
Page
11 ~ Thursday April 16th
Arose rather
later than usual this morning. After repeated efforts found that I was
unable to fin [sic find]
my attention exclusively upon my studies. At length, gave over making
any farther attempts. Snatched up some ancient newspapers and
devoted the greater portion of the day to their perusal. Met with much
very interesting and useful matter.
Had
made an agreement with Miss Ary Allison to call upon Miss
M. Vancleave this evening, Ary failing to come, the proposed visit
I gave up, for the present. Much to my regret, as I was anticipating
much pleasure from it.
Weather, Morning clear
with sunshine, but through the day alternately sunshine, clouds and
snow in small and scattering flakes. In the evening, warmer, clouds
fast disappearing. The Western sky almost totally free from their
prison. I prophesy moderation in the weather tomorrow.
Page
12 ~ Friday April 17th
Laid in bed
until late this morning and even then got up with great reluctance, as
I lost my sleep during the night by suffering greatly from the
cold. In the evening upon going to bed, not anticipating such
increased severity in the weather, I failed to take the proper
precautions against it, by increasing the amount of my covering. Felt
dull, gloomy and sleepy all day. Made but little progress in my
studies. Wrote a short letter to Mr. Richie Carmichaels, mostly
concerning business.
Called
this evening on Miss Mary Vancleave. Invited in the parlor, took a
seat. Had exchanged but a few words with Mary, and those principally
concerning weather, when her father came in. Then I was rather
compelled to enter into a theological discussion. This, at any other
time, might have been interesting, but under the present circumstances,
insufferable.
In
a short time, the old lady coming in, who, like her worthy spouse, took
her seat, as if she was a chattel, that was not to be removed from the
estate, at least not for that evening. So, becoming convinced that
there would be no opportunity afforded me to converse with the young
lady alone and becoming tired of the prosaic conversation of the old
gentleman, I esscaped to leave, but Mary following me out
upon the porch we made a conditional arrangement to pay a visit to Miss
Anna Hill on tomorrow evening.
Weather, Clear and sun
shining, but a cold disagreeable wind continued blowing all day.
Page 14 ~
Saturday April 18th
Found upon
arising, the sky obscured by rainy looking clouds. Soon after commenced
raining and continued during the whole forenoon. Afternoon
cloudy, without rain. Not so cold as yesterday.
Last
night received a letter from my cousin, Amanda Edwards, of Niles, Ohio. I
replied to it today, rather peculiar letter, mine.
I’m
expecting a visit from Wm C. Lindsey this evening, we intend calling
upon Miss Anna Hill.
Resolved
in my mind today some rather wild and romantic schemes concerning the
object now of almost every leisure thought, that is at present absent
in Fayette County. Should I be
charged with the heinous crime of falling in love, I would be compelled
to hesitate a considerable length of time before I could respond, not
guilty. I will await times farther development before I make
this fatal admission.
In the evening then set in a
drizzling rain, which has detained my friend from town. I
shall be compelled to postpone my visit to Miss Hill.
Page
15 ~ Sabbath – April the 19th
Raining early
in the morning, continued until noon – when it changed to snow – which
continued during the whole of the afternoon. The ground being
damp, the snow is dissolved almost as fast as it falls. Now
whilst I write – after dark – the ground begins to dawn its white
mantle. Were it a little colder, I would expect much snow by
morning.
Have
been engaged all day in copying into a book my most important female
correspondence. I shall hereafter be more careful and kept a coppy in
this book of all-important letters I write to females.
Having
all the letters I have received from such correspondents, I selected
the most important and retained a coppy. I was fortunate enough to have
a coppy of several letters which I also took good care to record. Bill
Anderson called upstairs to see me and chatted a while. Bill is a
rather eccentric character.
Page
16 ~ Monday April the 20th
Weather clear.
Sun shining, but a sharp cold wind continued blowing during the whole
of the afternoon. Engaged in my usual employment, studying.
Mailed a couple of letters – one for Miss Amanda Edwards, the other for
Nicholas Hagen, Illinois. Becoming tired in the evening. I picked up an
old “Casket” in which I became very much interested. Continued to read
until very late at night.
Page 16 ~
Tuesday April the 21st
Similar to
yesterday. Sunshine with a strong wind which is fast drying up the mud.
But in the afternoon a rather sudden and great change – clouded up and
commenced a drizzling rain, which was followed by a commingling of rain
and snow. Our weather prophets having missed it so often in their late
predictions are considerably out of humor. I fear if there is not
better weather after the changing of the moon on the 24th
next, they will withdraw from the profession.
Have
been conversing with Pop Allison. She talks so sillily upon some
subjects such as ghosts. Super natural sights of all kinds; signs of
the moon that she greatly provokes me – so much so that I am the more
thoroughly convinced than ever before of the imperative necessity of my
obtaining for a wife (if I ever conclude to have any) an intelligent,
strong minded woman, one who is perfectly free from superstition, if I
would always retain my present reputation of having a good temper and
live happily whilst in the matrimonial state.
I
find that nothing provokes me sooner and renders me more irritable than
arguing with an ignorant and silly minded woman – whilst upon the other
hand I experience the other extreme. I know of no greater pleasure this
side of heaven than that of carrying on a conversation with a sensible,
intelligent, young lady.
Late,
before I retired; rain and snow still continued to fall. I would not be
surprised if there was considerable snow upon the ground in the
morning. Amos
returned from town this evening bringing me a letter from my friend D.
A. Hook, Kansas Terr.
Page
18 ~ Wednesday April 22nd/57
As I
anticipated, I found upon arising this morning the ground covered with
snow to the depth of about one inch. The snow having been very moist
has clung to the trees and literally enveloped them in its fluffy folds
- at first presenting a chilling and wintry aspect. But now the sun
shinning forth brightly and lighting up the scene. Its brilliant rays
are reflected by thousands of glittering spangles in the snowflakes,
giving to the gloomy frost a fairy like and paradisiacal appearance. By
now the snow had entirely disappeared, leaving every appearance of the
commencement of good weather. But, alas we must be a sinful race,
doomed to disappointment – for about the middle of the afternoon, it
again began to cloud up with every sign of the beginning of our daily
snow storm. But the God of weather is determined to cross our every
expectation as by night the sky is again free from clouds. Visited
today by Miss Ary Allison & Miss Mary Vancleave.
Page
19 ~ Thursday April 23rd /57
Morning and
forenoon cloudy. Many signs of rain. Afternoon cleared off. Sun shine
out brightly – is getting warm as it should be at this time of year. I
do hope the change will be a permanent one. Wrote a couple of letters,
one to Wm. Baird of Burlington, Iowa; the
other to D. A. Hook, Kansas.
Page
19 ~ Friday April 24th /57
Heavy
frost this morning – but sky clear and during the middle of the day
warm. Cheering prospects for continued good weather. Last evening
went over to James Allison’s, rigged up an old fish net and set it –
found the water being cold but no fish in the morning. Returned to Amos’s
and found everything upside down. A carpenter had arrived and was
tearing down the stairs for the purpose of putting them up in another
corner – was compelled to take my books and go out into the kitchen and
study.
Page 20 ~
Saturday April 25th /57
Morning cloudy
with other symptoms of rain, but happily cleared off about nine o’clock
and continued fair and warm. Received a letter from
John Higinbotham, Illinois
concerning the Webster judgment. He rather thinks Webster is inclined
to act unfairly – I intend going to town this afternoon, will not
return before tomorrow.
Page
20 ~ Sunday April 26th /57
Weather
beautiful until the afternoon when misty, hazy, looking clouds
collected in the West where about sundown there commenced a gentle warm
and pleasant rain. Returned from town about twelve o’clock - had
a very pleasant time whilst there.
On
Saturday afternoon was examined in 2nd Book of Blackstone by
Mr. Phelan. Had a very pleasant time with my particular friend Mr.
Lindsey, W.C. in the evening – after leaving whom and going up street
for home I accosted Miss Jenny Morgan who had just
come accidentally to the front door. She courteously gave me an
invitation to come in the house – which I hesitated to accept as it was
late – but upon her informing me that she had heard from my female
friend that is traveling through Fayette County – I instantly, I rather
fear too eagerly entered – her mother being present she had not a very
good opportunity of giving me any confidential information – But I was
enabled to gain this much. That a couple of ladies had sent their
respect to me through her letter – and farther and more important that
she had said in her let “that it had long been decided that she would
never marry Mr. Carrol.” This is certainly encouraging –
although if it has been long decided, I cannot flatter myself in
supposing that I was instrumental in influencing her in coming to such
a decision as our acquaintance is of rather a late date. Oh,
that Carrol; that unknown rival; he has heretofore given me much
uneasiness, but it appears that I was needlessly alarmed and that I
need not experience any farther danger from him in the future.
But
still, I cannot admit even to myself that the feeling I am cherishing
in my heart for her is love – yes I am so fearful of its terminating in
that passion if it has not already. That the removal of any obstacle or
rival cannot fail of moving a source of pleasure to me – tonight
(Sunday) and perhaps even while I am writing she is in Brownsville and
may be permitting an idle thought to dally with my memory – for she I
am convinced esteemed me as a friend if nothing more. This afternoon
went over to James Allison’s and returned about dark in the rain, very
tired as I had also walked from town. Made arrangements with Ary
Allison to soon pay our long delayed visit to the Hills.
Page
23 ~ Monday April 27th /57
Rained all
night, this morning cloudy. The whole day dark and windy; very
disagreeable. Threw Blackstone aside and turned carpenter. Made a fish
box which consumed the whole forenoon and part of the afternoon. Upon
finishing the box, I shouldered it up and carried it over to Allison’s
near to where I intended to set it. Upon entering the house I was very
pleasantly surprised to find Miss Mary Vancleave there upon a
visit. Not being in a hurry, I neglected my box and had a very
agreeable chat of more than an hour’s duration. But at length rather
tearing myself away. I went and set my box. The fish dam being very
much out of repair, I was detained an hour in the water, a much longer
period than is considered safe at this season of the year. At length,
getting everything fined to my entire satisfaction, I returned to
Allison’s just in time for supper. Shortly after, Ary arrived. She had
been out from home in search of flowers. She concluded to accompany
Miss Vancleave home. I was graciously permitted to make one of
the trio. It was just getting dark as we started. The pleasure I
experienced can only be expressed by our American phrase “that we had a
Capital time.” Under pretense of leading Mary around the mud, I was
permitted to clasp her hand, a soft delicate beautiful one, which she
kindly permitted me to retain, although the necessity which had
produced it was no longer in existence. But the laws governing
electricity will also apply to the pleasures and enjoyments of mankind,
that it will always seek to produce an equilibrium – whilst
reveling with delight in the sweetness of one draught – although we
dream not of it, yet there may be the bitterness of gall concealed in
the mind. Such proved to be the case in the present instance – for upon
arriving at the Vancleave’s my salutation of good evening was only
answered by frowns – Mary’s father at a most inopportune moment and
under the circumstances in an ungentlemanly manor, delivered her a very
severe lecture for indulging in the pleasures of the world. He looked
upon it as a heinous crime; that she being young should show to the
world by her actions that she was such that she should give vent to the
excess of spirits that a kind, indulgent, and pleasure loving God had
given her.
I
cannot force myself to believe that deity is of such a nature, as to
approve of – in his worshippers – sour looks, controlled morose,
general sullenness and peevishness expressed over the countenance,
indulging in continual condemnation of the gaiety and pleasures of
thoughtless world, to the neglect of the mock that is plainly
observable in all their own actions – so long as religion is
misrepresented as has been heretofore been done by Christian fanatics
and bigots – so long will it cease to harass the number of professions.
I entertain peculiar views upon the subject of religion from what I
have witnessed tonight.
I
am compelled to believe that Mr. Vancleave is neither a Christian
nor a gentleman. Of Mary, my opinion is more highly elevated than
before (although I always entertained a high opinion of her), by the
lady like manner in which she conducted herself in the trying ordeal
this evening. It must have been very mortifying for her. I can
fully realize her unfortunate position and do truly sympathize with her.
Page
26 ~ Tuesday, April 28th /57
With the
exception of a rather cool and unpleasant wind this has been a
beautiful day. Was routed out of my room upstairs by Polly Allison who
has commenced whitewashing. But thanks to her untiring energy in labor,
my room is finished and looks one hundred percent better. If Pops
temper does rather often become ruffled (by the way, the case with all
old maids) she is an excellent hand at work of all kinds. Received a
note by the hands of Miss Ary Allison from Mary Vancleave
apologizing for the rather uncouth reception I received from her father
last evening. She informs me that from infancy up to the present time,
where ever she has gone from home to indulge in pleasure as young
persons should and do, that such a reception as I witnessed has always
greeted her return. Poor girl she has suffered long under the tyranny
of a bigoted religious zealot. My heart felt sympathies and
warmly enlisted in her unfortunate and unhappy lot. She is a good girl
and deserving of better treatments. She should honor and obey her
parents, but when that parent is blinded by his prejudices so that he
wanders from the plainest rules of right and requires of her duties
that both God and Nature abhors, how can she respect him? I have
observed that ignorance and religious bigotry make the most despicable
and exacting tyrants. Mary has gone to town this afternoon where she
will be permitted to enjoy a few moments peace. But what fear awaits
her return.
Page
28 ~ Wednesday April 29th /57
Sun shone out
beautiful all day. Now at dusk there is not a cloud to be seen. The
stars are timidly peeping out and taking one by one their accustomed
positions. Took my gun this morning and went up in the woods. Met with
my usual luck. Saw a couple of squirrels, but did not get a chance to
shoot at them as their holes were near at hand. Took the one this
evening and went and cut one of the trees down expecting to find a full
nest of fine young squirrels, but after a couple of hours of hard work
was repaid by discovering naught but empty hulls of acorns and hickory
nuts which had been stored away in this granary by
his squirrelship for his winter provender.
Miss
Mary Vancleave returned from town today bringing with her a couple
of other young ladies; Miss Lou Hager &
Miss Mary Smith. I had not the pleasure of speaking to them, only
saw them passing up in a wagon.
Page
29 ~ Thursday April 30th /57
Day similar to
yesterday, bright and clear. Am being tired this evening having been
engaged all day in repairing the kitchen. I find I am pretty much of a
rough carpenter. Received the Messenger, but it contained nothing
important. Am rather impatiently awaiting the first issue of the Greene
County Republican – a new paper just starting in town. I wish it
success. Miss Vancleave who had been escorting her two female
visitors a short distance upon their road home dropped in a few
moments. I had the extreme pleasure of holding a short conversation
with her. Brother Samuel came up this evening but remained but a few
moments and informed me that the planet of which I would fain be a
prominent satellite is now visable in Waynesburg. The attraction
of gravitation which is incident to all planets is acting upon me so
strongly that I fear I shall be drawn wither its influence. It has been
my intention to visit town on Saturday above all.
Page
30 ~ Friday May the 1st /57
A rather
inauspicious beginning for the merry month of May; Cloudy in the
morning and soon after commenced raining and continued almost without
intermission during the whole day. Even now whilst I am writing, it is
still pattering down without any signs of its soon ceasing. Miss
Mary Vancleave passed by this morning on her road at her school
which she intends commencing next Monday. I wish her health and a
pleasant time during the term.
This
afternoon in spite of the rain, I went fishing fixing an umbrella in
such a manner as to protect me partially from the falling rain. I
fished on until toward evening, but being under the dam which had in
the meantime filled up and was now beginning to run over and threaten
me with danger, greater danger of a ducking than the rain had hitherto
done. I was compelled to have off and return home with but an
indifferent string of fish.
Page
31 ~ Saturday May the 2nd /57
Rained all
night and still continues this morning. Banks of the stream are
overflowed. Should the rain continue the whole of the present day, much
damage may ensue from high water. Intend going to town in a
few moments, do not expect to return before Sunday evening.
Arrived in town about the middle of the afternoon. Was engaged until
dinner in attending to business. Afternoon consumed by recitation in
Blackstone with Mr. Black. After supper in company with Mr. Wm. C.
Lindsey, called upon Miss SadeHelphenstine. Found
Mr. Cloakey, a young suitor and Rhoda Adams already there. After a
few moments of agreeable conversation, Cloakey and Miss Adams
left. Presuming that it would be desirable for my friend Lindsey, being
a third party, I made an excuse and bid them good evening.
Going
up street, I encountered John Morgan who insisted upon my going over to
their house and engage in a game of dominoes. In a short time to
my surprise and great joy, Jenny Morgan and Miss Needham entered, who
I had not before seen since her return from her vacation tour. They
joined us in our game. I remained until late, but did not enjoy
myself so well as I expected upon the entry of the ladies, owing
to an unaccountable reserve of the latter when conversing with me. I
retired at a very late hour that night, but even then sleep was denied
me. I lay awake for hours revolving a thousand thoughts and schemes
through my mind, induced by the preceding incidents of the evening.
Page
32 ~ Sabbath May the 3rd /57
Cloudy in the
morning but rained in the evening, yet warm and pleasant during the
day. Attended service at the C. P. Church. Had a long walk in the
afternoon with my friend Lindsey; in the evening called on Miss Jenny Morgan. Had a very
pleasant time. After dark, started for the country. At the upper end of
town a gentleman and lady crossed the street just before my horse. Upon
closer observation I discovered that it was Bill Morgan and Miss Needham, it being
dark and raining and I covered with an umbrella, I don’t think they
recognized me. At the moment a pang of not jealousy but of envy shot
through my heart. That I should be denied who esteemed her so highly
and rated her at her true value should be denied a privilege that was
granted to one who was incapable of appreciating her real worth (though
possessed of a good heart). But still it is a great source of
consolation to know that the lady herself does not approve of the
barrier that makes me an alien to her presence – and that she highly
esteems me. But I must for the present at least try and divest myself
of a portion of my interest in her. As thoughts of her lately had
so monopolized my attention that my studies have greatly suffered from
neglect.
Page
34 ~ Monday May 4th /57
Rained all
night and still raining this morning. We are surely beginning to have
the rainy seasons of Oregon
and California.
Continued until about three o’clock in the afternoon when the clouds
passed away and old Sol shone out with apparently unusual
brilliancy. But toward evening again clouding up. The rain at
dusk was dashed down in torrents. I went over to the creek for
the purpose of fishing, but found it too high, - remained all night at
James Allisons.
Page
34 ~ Tuesday May 5th /57
Morning
cloudy. Rained all day with the exception of ceasing for a few
intervals of about ten minutes, hung a grindstone for James Allison.
Also put up and fixed his clock. Have been greatly disturbed in mind,
today and yesterday about my female friend now in town. An exhibition
of great weakness upon my part I fear, but still, although I have
manfully committed it, and tried exercising the strongest determination
of my will, yet I cannot help it. I must soon ascertain my true
standings in her opinion, or I will be intensively lost, before I am
indemnified by finding the equivalent.
Pop
Allison talks of leaving us for town today. I am anxious that she will
- and return soon to entertain us with the news. Pop possesses a
capacious craving for gossip, and one that is seldom found empty.
Miss
Betty Allison and Kesiah visited us this evening, also my very particular
friend, Obediah Vancleave. Sara Allison returned from town
without bringing me any letters. I was greatly disappointed, as there
has been several due me for some time past.
Cloudy
tonight, no sign of the weather clearing up. Moon idolaters, whose
faith has been only tested, predict a change next Friday.
Page
36 ~ Wednesday May 6th/57
Cloudy and cool,
sprinkled rain about noon. Evening, sun now and then peeps out from
behind passing clouds, but we mortals are glad to get even an
occasional glimpse of his Majesty, as he has been almost totally
obscured by for several days past.
Took
my gun and went out hunting this morning. Was fortunate in shooting my
first Black Squirrel, but unfortunate in putting my next ball down
without preceding it with a change of powder and was therefore
under the necessity of returning instantly.
Engaged
today in reading my fourth book of Blackstone. Consider it the most
interesting of all. The second book has been all long represented to me
as the least important. I fear I will differ with my respected tutors.
For practice importance, I consider it as superior to the other three.
Page
37 ~ Thursday May 7th/57
Clear, sunshine
and a beautiful day. The face of nature, gladdened by the many late
gentle shows, lightens up - and already she begins to don her suit of
green. The grass can almost perceived in the very act of growing
when observing it only for a few moments. Sun set this evening
clear. Not a cloud to be seen above the horizon. Every indication
to me for a beautiful day tomorrow, but still, in defiance for all
this, Isaac Inghram, who passed by today, predicted rain tomorrow, from
redness of the sky this morning, the screeching of owls and the
distinctness with which slight noises might be heard at great
distances. Should his prophecy be fulfilled by its raining at the time
predicted, it may have a strong tendency toward making a proselyte of
me and a strong believer in all signs.
My conscience
reproves this evening, for having shot a dove today for dinner (poor
thing).
Page
38 ~ Friday May 8th/57
A beautiful day.
Sun setting clear, in defiance of the croakings of the weather
prophets yesterday. I am thus far saved the mortifications of becoming
a proselyte at such superstitious beliefs. Brother Samuel stopped here
on his road to Burnsville
and hand me a couple of letters, one from Wm. Richie, the other from my
fair correspondent in Washington County,
Miss Hamilton.
Had
the extreme pleasure of receiving a visit from my particular friend,
James S. Jennings. We went upstairs and had quite a lengthy private
conversation concerning a matter, which I may as well enter at length
in my journal.
Years
ago, my friend, him, made the acquaintance of Miss
Juliet Barckley [sic Barclay], who was then attending school in
Waynesburg. Being pleased with the general appearance of the lady, he
was affected by the tender passion, almost at first sight. Upon farther
acquaintance, he met with no reasons for altering the favorable opinion
he had already formed. In fact he became a regular visitor and
gallant, and in the eyes of the world, not an indifferent suitor.
The stream flowed on happily and quietly until another individual made
his appearance upon the field, who by his present interference
greatly muffled its hitherto fair surface. This was no less
personage than Mr. Randolph, of Ohio.
He also paid attentions on Miss Juliet and the
opportunity met with great encouragement.
The
natural difference and modesty of my friend, Jennings,
operated strongly to his disadvantage, as he was unable to continue
with the unusual amount of assurance possessed by his rival, and was
therefore, but very seldom permitted the pleasure of the company of the
fair Juliet, and finally
becoming discouraged, he wholly withdrew from the arena. But
chance, after the lapse of a considerable length of time, drew them
together. He thought he saw some signs of encouragement in the actions
of the lady, and again, manfully took up his spear and shield and
renewed the fight. These matters continued for a great length of
time, with alternating success to my hero. At one moment he would be
elevated to the highest principal of happiness by the smiles and
encouragements of his (like Romeo) fair Juliet. But at the next, his
fall was only more severe from his previous elevation, occasioned by
his frowns. In this manner a fission, or so, passed by and at length
Juliet graduated, with the first honors and returned to her home in
Uniontown. While there my friend, Jennings,
paid her a visit and pressed his suit with considerable ardor, but
unfortunately, met with neither encouragement or discouragement.
She would, in defiance of every effort, understand as if made by a
friend. But upon his return home and reviewing the matter
deliberately and carefully, he came to the conclusion that he could not
continue the correspondence that had all along been kept up between
their feelings of friendship alone, any longer. That she must be
influenced by a stronger passion than that of friendship - and similar
to the one entertained by her. In writing, as that it ought to and
should close, in accordance with the above wish he wrote a letter
stating as much and that if the tone of their correspondence could not
be changed, that he desired it should close and that she would please
return his letters and that he would as soon as possible do the same
with her own. By return mail, he received a rather indefinite answer,
but desiring that he would not return his letters and also that she
might have permission to retain his. What else could he do, he
consented. In the meantime, he had made the acquaintance of Miss Laura Weathee and
was much pleased with her and gradually the affection for her
insidiously, but surely, began to dissipate and supplant that which the
fair Juliet had first inspired. Now greatly shaken by her undecided and
vacillating course.
Finally
convinced that the love he had born for Juliet
was now transferred to Laura, he again,
without assigning any reasons, wrote to her wishing that their
correspondence should cease and that she would return his letters, but
now the tables appear to be turned, for Juliet
is any thing but an indifferent actor. She is willing, now when it is
too late, that the correspondence should continue and entirely upon
different terms, and demands his reasons for wishing that it should
cease. But alas, she has come to this conclusion too late. Had my
friend received such a letter six months before, he would have been the
happiest of mortals. But she had trifled with his affections too long
and must abide the consequences. He now only desires that all farther
intimacy between he and her should cease. He has not yet replied to
this last note and is a great loss as to the particular manner he
should word it.
Page
43 ~ Saturday May 9th/57
A bright warm
day, approaching almost to sultriness. Went to town, affected by what
is denominated as Spring fever.
Afternoon
attended a fishing party had for a companion, Miss Ellen Way,
a good and beautiful girl. Had a very pleasant time. Miss Needham being
one of the party, I had the pleasure of conversing with her but a
few moments. But these were fraught with great pleasure. I am now fully
convinced that I entertain a feeling stronger than friendship for this
intelligent and beautiful fairy. But she is as yet an unsolved enigma
to me. Sometime I feel confident and fully assured that she
entertains an ardent affection. But then again I am by some trifling
matters (but to a lover, a mountain) precipitated to the lowest depths
of despondency.
Several
times I have been almost upon the point of writing and making a full
avowal of my real feelings, and asking a similar favor in return. But
then when almost resolved to do so I am detered by my pride and
thoughts of the realization of my worst fears. In the evening, in
company with W.C. Lindsey, called at Mrs. Morgan and spent a very
pleasant evening in the society of Miss. Balsinger
and McQuilken. Retired late, but kept awake by thoughts of
_________ [blank line].
Page
45 ~ Sabbath May 10th /57
Arose
early. Pleasant in the morning, but a wind soon after arising, it
became much cooler. Beheld pigeons flying over South,
an infallable sign of a storm in the North. A very strong cool
wind all day.
Attended
church forenoon, and at night called on Miss Jenny Morgan in
pursuance of a request from [her] to
do so. We had quite a lengthy private conversation. She informs
me that Mr. Weathee suspicions Lovina and I of carrying
on a clandestine correspondence through her. I fear that man
will compell me to become his enemy, in defiance of an inclination upon
my part to the contrary. I only wish that his suspiciouns were
correct – for then I would be assured that she entertained an ardent
and lasting attachment for me. Otherwise, she would not attempt
to decieve her guardian in order to correspond with me.
Page
46 ~ Monday May 11th/57
A cold and
cloudy day. Just such a day will produce ennui. Attended prayers at the
college and heard Mr. Weathee rehearse his rites at length. I
consider them very stringent ones.
Returned
to the country in the evening, preparatory to making my announcement
for a permanent residence in town.
Page
46 ~ Tuesday May 12th/57
A bright, fair
day, but during the forenoon inclined to be a little too cold. Packed
up my trunk and after dinner bid, with much regret, farewell to the
country. During my residence there I have spent a very pleasant time.
Ennui, during the whole period was almost an entire stranger.
Returned
by way of James Allison’s. Encountered a couple of candidates, who
solicited my little influence.
Page
47 ~ Wednesday May 13th/57
A warm pleasant
day, but indications of rain before night. About the middle of the
afternoon commenced raining and with the exception of a few moments
ceasing, continued up to the time of my retiring.
Wrote
a letter to Miss N_______m
[blank spaces]
this morning containing a full avowal of my feelings toward her and
asking a similar favor in return, but could not muster up enough
courage at any moment during the day to place it in the Post. At one
moment I would be in the very act of going to the office for the
purpose of depositing my letter, but at the next deterred by fear of a
negative reply and the expediency of my taking such serious steps at
Received
a letter from Miss L. Pennock, Kansas, a
very able and interesting one. She is a very intelligent and talented
girl for her age.
Page
48 ~ Thursday May 14th/57
Rained all
night. This morning very cloudy and still raining. Rained at different
periods for the whole day. At night the winds blew a perfect tornado
and the rain was dashed down in torrents.
Amused
myself in the evening by hopping. Met apparently my equal in that manly
exercise in Ed ____________ [blank spaces].
Received
my letters from Jno C. Flenniken, Senator, Jno
W. Stumph and Miss Amanda Edwards. Replied to a letter I had
received from Miss Beck Hamilton.
Had
the extreme pleasure of passing on the street and speaking to Miss Needham. She
certainly is growing more beautiful and attractive each day. I fear –
greatly fear – that I am standing upon the brink of a dangerous
precipice. I would require but the application of but a slight force to
hurl me over.
Page
49 ~ Friday May 15th/57
Arose early.
Found the sky clear and the sun shining brightly. But in a very short
time it again commenced to cloud up. About nine o’clock commenced
raining and continued to rain very hard. Continued to rain during the
remainder part of the day at repeated intervals.
Page
49 ~ Saturday May 16th/57
Morning cloudy
and somewhat cool. Found a fire in the office quite comfortable. By
noon much clearer and much warmer. Remained clear all day, quite cool
this evening. Every indication of a severe frost tonight. Called on Miss
Jenny Morgan in the evening. Gave her a letter to hand
to Miss Needham. Said
letter contained some very important inquiries, which may be seen by
referring to my record of female correspondence.
Rained
a little during the night.
Page
50 ~ Sunday May 17th /57
Arose rather
later than usual. Day clear, sunshine but cool. Forenoon took some
books, went out and read instead of attending church. But regretted it
afterwards upon hearing that Proff. Weethee had preached.
Visited the cemetery afternoon. Suffered some little with headache and
uneasiness as to the reception that the letter I sent yesterday evening
met with.
Page
50 ~ Monday May 18th /57
Arose early.
Swept out the office, built a fire, took a walk distance in the
country. Rather clear but rather cool. Afternoon turned in and
rained. The afternoon and during the whole night – mailed letters
to John Streph and Hays Allison.
Page
51 ~ Tuesday May 19th /57
Went to the
office later than usual – raining this morning – continued until near
noon when it cleared but is still cloudy and cold – witnessed a rather
interesting but at the same time disgusting dog fight – which continued
for the space of a half hour, an immense excited crowd around.
The
pleasure I ______ [word missing]
experiencing from the reception of a favorable reply to the letter I
sent on Sabbath evening can only be imagined. A reference to my
“letter record” will justify such extravagant demonstrations of
pleasurable excitement.
After dark
still raining.
Page
52 ~ Wednesday May 20th /57
Rose early,
swept out the office and took a walk – Cloudy. Continued so and cold
all day. Blind family gave a musical concert in the country, did not
attend expecting to see tomorrow evening. During the _____ [word missing] got up two or
three legal questions and discussed them with Wm. C. Lindsey. Was very
much interested, think I will like this practice of law much better
than I expected.
Thursday
May 21st /57
A beautiful
morning – walked above the college, had the pleasure of meeting and
saluting Miss Laura Weethee – weather
continued warm and pleasant all day.
Page
53 ~ Friday May 22nd /57
A warm
beautiful day – engaged as usual studying in the office. Have been
applying myself pretty closely lately as I expect my examination to
commence next week. Went to the creek in the evening and took a bath.
Page
53 ~ Saturday May 23rd /57
Got up a
little later than usual, went to the office and studied till noon. Day
warm, about the middle almost oppressive. In the evening, some thunder
accompanied with lightning but very little rain.
Having
the day before made arrangements for a fishing party this afternoon, we
started. Mr. John Morgan & Lydia Weethee, Wm. C.
Lindsey and Leonis Needham, myself and Hannah Lindsey. We first
followed the creek to the foot of Seals Knob where we fished for some
length of time. Han Lindsey and I effected a desired
object which required very skillful generalship. I greatly desired an
opportunity to converse with Miss Needham – we
were each fishing with our ladies at different places – Lindsey
was very anxious to obtain a minnow for perch. I was trying to catch
one, he came up pretending to be out of patience and took my pole out
of my hand - as a matter of course, I could nothing else than to go and
take his which was sitting along side of Miss Needham. In a few
moments he took my lady Hannah and started
up the creek. I established and took his down seeking a comfortable
seat. Far down the creek we carried on a very pleasant conversation,
leaving this spot, we started up the hill for the knob. Near the top,
we discovered a recess in the woods, a beautiful grassy plain which
glen seduced us to stop and hold a conversation of a more interesting
nature than the previous one. But we were interrupted by Lindsey who
was calling us to his summit where was spread out before us a beautiful
and encapturing scene.
Page
55 ~ Sunday May 24th /57
Laid in bed
later than usual. A warm lazy inspiring day. Received a letter from A.
B. Scott making certain notations concerning Capt. Story, which had I
received sometime ago would have been perfectly astounding but being
prepared by some previous not altogether praiseworthy acts of that
person, I was not too much astonished. About ten o’clock in company
with W. C. Lindsey, started up into the country – we had a very
pleasant time, although we suffered much from the heat. After dinner at
Amos’s
we went over to the creek; enjoyed ourselves much by taking a ride in a
boat, getting supper at Allison’s, we returned home after dark.
I
saw Miss Jenny Morgan after my
return and she handed me a note from Maggie which I had
been expecting.
Page
56 ~ Monday May 25th /57
Arose late, a
little sore and stiff from the unusual amount of exercise taken the day
previous. A warm beautiful day, similar to yesterday, with the addition
of a balmy breeze. Had the pleasure of shaking hands with Jno.
C. Flennekin and Col. I. H. Wells, who have just returned from a
long session of the [Simulr ???]. The
latter a transcribing clerk.
Page 56 ~
Tuesday May 26th / 57
Took my usual
walk in the morning before commencing to study. Day warm
and sultry, rained a little after dark. Have been quite uneasy and
nervous about my examination previous to my admission to the bar –
which I am expecting to commence every day. After night, stole a few
moments from my studies and replied to the letter I received on Sunday
evening by the hands of Jenny Morgan.
Page
57 ~ Wednesday May 27th /57
Did not go to
the office until after breakfast. Day warm but airy, a very light
sprinkling of rain in the forenoon, felt unusually dull all day. With
great difficulty could keep myself from sleeping, inclined to
think I am unwell. Was examed upon a portion of the first book
of Blackston by A. S. Buchanan, Esq. In the
evening took a walk with Ary Allison who is now boarding with us and
attending school. I consigned the letter I wrote last night into
her charge for delivery. I was pleased at the great amount of zeal
which she manifested in beginning this undertaking. She appears
to be interested for my good. I have unbounded confidence in
her disention. Feel confident she will make every exertion
to forward my interest.
Page
58 ~ Thursday May 28th /57
Weather
similar to yesterday – took my usual walk – came back by the new
building of L. L. Minor. He is making a beautiful place to live. I am
glad to see it, poor fellow he has had a stormy life and now in his old
age needs a quiet retreat. I am standing an examination before the
committee appointed by the court – hope I may be successful and be
admitted to practice Monday, week.
Page
58 ~ Friday May 29th /57
Weather
continues to be cool. Some rain in the course of the day. Received a
reply from Miss Needham containing of
importance. My examination is still going on. It commenced on Wednesday.
Page
59 ~ Saturday May 30th /57
Warm and
oppressive. Was unable to get my committee together – was somewhat
disappointed in not getting through my examination. Spent as usual in
studying. Rained in evening.
Page
59 ~ Sabbath May 31st /57
Got up early,
went to the office and wrote a letter consisting of six pages to Maggie. Got through
in time to attend church. After dinner, saw my friend Jenny and entrusted
the letter to her keep for delivery. In the evening saw Maggie on Miss Morgan’s steps.
Suspected that she intended to spend the night there. Although her
and Jennie won literally
unencumbered by gentlemen, yet I concluded at - Stop. In a
short time all left but myself – a rain coming up it was necessary
for us to go into the entry. At length Jennie left leaving Maggie and I alone.
Oh what indescribable happiness I then enjoyed. The moments there flew
too rapidly by. We introduced such subjects and discussed them as the
only of her female of Waynesburg would dare to attempt. A more
intelligent, interesting, little angel I never before encountered
whilst in the midst of a very interesting conversation.
Jenny Balsinger and ____ McFarland stumbled over us as it
was quite dark where we were sitting. We then went into the room
which they had just vacated and so entertained each other by conversing
upon diverse subjects. Then the clock struck three in the morning
before I could muster up sufficient resolution to drag myself away.
Page 61 ~ Monday June 1st /57
Got up before
five o’clock. After breakfast went to the office, but I was unable to
clear my thoughts from the events of last evening and fin them upon my
books. Raining in the morning continued at different periods during the
day. Took a walk in the morning in company with W. C. Lindsey.
Saw a house snake in the road, killed it. Examined in Blackston
by Col.
Wells, Esq. One of my committee – being rather sleepy, I have come up
home for the purpose of retiring early.
Page
62 ~ Tuesday June 2nd /57
Cloudy but
pleasant. (felt rather dull all day) Amos was in from the
country when John C. Flenniken made the first payment on the Clinton
farm. Engaged as usual in studying.
Page
62 ~ Wednesday June 3rd /57
Went to the
office early. Consumed some time in study. When W. C. Lindsey coming
in, we took our usual morning walk, which greatly invigorated me.
Weather very windy during the day in the evening rained quite hard for
a few moments. Amos
having endorsed Flenniken’s check to me, I presented it today.
Lifted $255. and paid to Sam. Deposited $253. in my own and
$153 in Amos’s
name.
Page
63 ~ Thursday June 4th /57
Got up very
early. Breakfasted and went to the office. Sent a reply this morning to
a letter I received from Maggie on yesterday.
Then transferring of it was done by Ary in a very skillful manner.
Cloudy now, at noon raining and inclined to be cool. Libby, Rebecca’s
child has been sick for a few days past. The Doctor has pronounced her
disease to be Scarlet Fever. Ann Dowlin arrived today and took
dinner with us.
Page
64 ~ Friday June 5th /57
Libby appeared
to suffer so much during the night that her complaints kept me from
sleeping. Cool, but the sun shining brightly. Saw James Jennings. He
has been at Carmichaels and
informs me that the long talked of picknick [sic picnic] then will come off tomorrow.
In
the evening called on Miss Maggie N________ [blank spaces]. Visited in
the parlor. Had been there but a few moments when Rob McConnel
came in with Lydia Weethee. A walk was
proposed. We went up the run a considerable distance. Night had begun
to cast his sable curtain over the dale and hill before we returned. I
have certainly passed but few pleasanter evenings.
Page
65 ~ Saturday June 6th /57
Started
to Carmichaels in the morning;
day very warm. Sold some town lots in the evening, joined a walking
party going out to John Rays’ – had a very pleasant time indeed. This
is the day of the primary election. I regret that for “Treasurer” my
friend Jennings only
received eight votes in Cumberland
Township.
Page
66 ~ Sabbath June 7th /57
Sun warm and
oppressive. Started from Carmichael’
for home. Stopped at Josiah Dowlins’ and took dinner, reached home
about three o’clock in the afternoon. Found Rebecca’s child Libby much
worse than when I had started.
Page
66 ~ Monday June 8th /57
Warm, but
rained during the day, both early in the morning and late in the
evening. That implacable enemy of children, scarlet fever, deprived of
life our Libby. A severe stroke to all but particularly Frank
Beck. Still I cannot help thinking that it was better for her to die
young, and not be compelled to struggle against the troubles of this
world.
Page
67 ~ Tuesday June 9th /57
Warm and
cloudy, rained several times during the day. Was admitted to the bar
this morning. Am now legally authorized to attach Esq. to my name. The
pleasure I would have otherwise felt in such a case is greatly marred
by the presence of the angel of death. Funeral at two o’clock,
afternoon.
Page
68 ~ Wednesday June 9th /57
Cloudy during
the day, rained at different periods – Zacheriah Piles & John
Piles now on trial for the murder of Jefferson Morris.
Page
68 ~ Thursday June 11th /57
Rained nearly
all day. Witnesses in the murder case all examined the jury to be
addressed tomorrow. Brass Band not this evening – expect to play on the
24th.
End
of Leroy Cleavenger’s Diary
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